Hundreds of my readers are in the same boat as my wife and me–either you are retired, or it’s just around the corner. If this is your situation, I’m certain you’re asking yourselves, “What of I/we do next?”
While I have been a strong proponent of community and regional planning, I’m not an advocate of doing this on a familial scale. My reasoning is simple, and can be stated in four small words: you just never know. Without being maudlin, much can happen–not all bad–to the best of plans. Despite my reticence to engage in full-scale planning, there are many things to consider. Let’s examine one during this post: housing.
If you’re like us, you are presently occupying a house that was purchased for a family, not a couple or single. In our case, we actually enlarged the house after our daughters left home. It may have seemed crazy to them, but we had need of better leisure space and two offices. Thus, some remodeling was in order. Today, as we juxtapose stairs with aches and pains, one asks oneself whether a two story house with three very large bedrooms, a study, and a sitting room is a great idea for us. Aside from excessive space, there is the cost of heating and lighting, the need to hire someone to shovel snow, mow grass, paint walls, etc. etc. So, what’s a homeowner with a Medicare card in his/her wallet to do?
We have weighed our options: 1) stay put (this decision is complicated by whether the occupant or the bank holds the mortgage); 2) remain in the house, but limit our active space to the downstairs; 3) sell the house, and either buy a condo or rent an apartment; or, 4) other(?!!). Next, there is the question of locale. The chances are you’ve lived in your present community for a decade or decades. You know which restaurants to patronize, where to shop for clothing, as well as the location of every item in your supermarket and drugstore (likely one-and-the-same). More important, you’re probably on a first name basis with everyone from the grocery clerk, to your hair stylist, to your physical therapist. These things are not easy to relinquish–especially for someone over 65. So, do you stay or do you go? Let’s face it; the two primary reasons for moving to the community all those years ago–your job and your children’s primary/secondary education–have dropped off of the relevance meter. Perhaps it is time to move to that warmer climate, or to be closer to children and/or grandchildren.
If you’re anything like us, you may spend your days like someone standing astride a teeter-totter. You’re not certain whether to push left or right. If you’ve already faced this decision, or will be soon, please post your thoughts. Hopefully, we can help one another off of the teeter totter. Life must be easier for the swing set.
Mark: you must had read our mind to write this blog. We have the same questions. If you figure it out let us know how you to do it. It is so hard to leave the home that the children and the extended family loves to come and they always say “I slept like a baby”
This situation is further complicated when one member of the couple is considerably younger and can’t retire yet. One is ready to return to condo living but the other is still enjoying the longtime home. One wants out for the winter but the other can’t
Imagine being away from home for 3 months yet. And the younger is now surrounded by friends who are free to craft this new stage of life and roam the world. Lots of negotiation and compromise and good planning required., but that can help the relationship grow.
While I have always considered Marla to be the younger woman in my life, I can’t relate to the negotiations you are describing. I just told Marla the other day that my life began the day I met her. I still feel the same way. After she’s followed me from Conn., to Texas, to Okla, to So Dakota, and now NH, I’d follow her to the moon if she asked. As you, too, have learned, those of us who have found the right partner are wealthier than Donald Trump. We’re also not a___holes.
We have been and are in, the same situation. I grew up in CT, my kids/grandkids are still there. We bought our approx 1000 sq ft NH home as a second home about 5 years ago, and discovered that living here, especially in Hebron, is a lot cheaper than living in CT in a 2400 sq ft house. Also, the general area is so much nicer than CT. My only problem with living here, and it is a considerable one, is that I’m 4 hours away from the family. I thought I’d be driving back at least once a month to visit everyone for a few days, then realized driving that far really is tiring especially as I age, and not as workable as I originally thought especially in the winter. One of my friends bought a small condo in NJ (where she’s from) for a measly $40,000. She does travel back there often as she can’t stand living in the rural town of Wentworth. For her, this works out perfectly.
My solution, if I care to stick to my promise to myself, is to go back once a month and stay in an Extended Stay place, or, get deals at nicer hotels in my kids areas. It’s cheaper than owning two homes, and a lot less worry. And, the market is still not back to where it used to be; so to sell your home now, might not be the best thing to do. We also just officially became “snow birds”; driving South for 5 months in the fall/winter. We are going to have the house closed up by professional plumbers instead of leaving the heat on low. We’ve gone for 2 months in the past, so this is a major change for us. In short, there’s never an easy answer when it comes to aging and what do we really want to do with ourselves. My suggestion: If your family is in this State, stay in the house you are in, and close off some of the rooms to save on heat. When you’re really really old, you can then sell and move into a senior living complex! Or, look for a GREAT deal on a smaller home in your area with low taxes, low maintenance, safe location, and the right affordable price. Hold onto both places until the market improves, then sell the larger one. At least that way, you can move over some of the furniture, dishes, etc you now have into the smaller home; and when the time comes, you won’t mind selling as you’ll already have a place to live. That’s my two cents worth; good luck with any decision you make.
This is interesting insight, Dot. We aren’t planning long term, as our daughters locations will likely dictate where we go. Once my tenure at Plymouth State is over, we’ll take a serious look at things. We’ve had considerable interest in our house. However, we don’t intend to sell it before Spring 2016. Looking forward to meeting with you, but need a bit of time to get through some issues.
Sounds like you have a plan already and that’s a good thing! Shoot me an email whenever you will have some free time. I’m fairly flexible time wise. I won’t take up much of your time; just want to say hello and meet you in person. It’ll probably take me longer to park the car and walk to your building than it will in actually meeting you! “Talk” soon.